# of pages written: 4
# of writing contests entered: 1
By now you’ve all probably read “deranged sorority girl” Rebecca Martinson’s f-bomb-filled email tirade to her Delta Gamma sisters in which she tells them they are “f***ing BORING” and “stupid f***ing asshats” who don’t know how to socialize with boys.
What initially disturbed me about this email was the overall manic message: the only thing that f***ing matters in life is to please the boys of Sigma Nu. Ms. Martison became psychotically angry over things that, in the grand scheme of life, don’t matter at all.
Yesterday, my boyfriend Paul and I walked around the campus of University of Maryland, hoping to catch a glimpse of Rebecca Martinson.
“They’ve posted her Twitter account now,” Paul told me. We had stopped to listen to a bird singing to a potential mate in one of the trees. “Apparently she wrote derogatory tweets about Mexicans and Asians. And apparently she tweeted something about failing an exam because she’d been having an orgy the night before.”
“Oh dear.” The more I heard about this girl, the more I worried about the next generation: millennium kids raised in a society of hyper-sexual messages and social media that encourages gross over-sharing.
“Yeah, apparently she tweeted something like, ‘some people call it morning wood. I call it breakfast.’”
“Oh dear,” I repeated. “I mean, that’s OK to say if you’re Sarah Silverman, but…” Which made me wonder, was she trying to be funny? Was what she said funny, or just negative and horribly sad? Was she clever and sassy, or just a bitchy, slutty sorority girl who has lost herself in an insane attempt to appear cool?
Paul and I stopped to blow on some dandy lion puffs, watching their white snowflakes drift into a weedy field. Rebecca Martinson wasn’t out enjoying the spring day. She was probably hiding in the sorority house, tossing her hair and saying she doesn’t give a “flying f***” what people think of her, when really she cares immensely. She wouldn’t have written that email otherwise.
When I got home, I started reading some of the comments about Martinson’s email. Turns out, people think she’s a good writer.
“The girl has a way with angry words.”
“…she could have a bright future as a writer.”
“She’s funny…And she’s got a way with words.”
In fact, Paul said he’d heard that she was offered a writing job because of the email. “Honestly,” Paul said, “I’m not surprised.”
“Well I am offended,” I said. “I am offended as a woman, but more importantly, I am offended as a writer.”
Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR.
So this is what people consider good writing? So the author of this email is now getting a writing job offer?
Oh dear. I am in the wrong business.